Episode One: Odd Rules, a
On Friday night, A and V asked us to go with them to a superstore, “Metro”, to shop for groceries and look at winter coats. It turns out that Metro is like a Sam’s Club that requires a membership, etc. We drove there, which took like 30 minutes one way and arrived with no problems at around 8:30pm (I’m not sure because I didn’t have a watch with me or look for that matter). I had some trouble stowing my purse and belongings, because they had lockers that required a token (which you had to go inside to pay for, then come back out to stow your things), but there were no signs explaining this. V kept trying to help me with the locker until he read the microscopic directions in Russian on the inside of the locker door. He asked for H10.00 ($2.00) for a token, which I obediently supplied, and he obtained a token. This process took about 5-7 minutes from start to finish, but I knew that A and Yuri were waiting for us and that V was a bit rattled.
V, A, Yuri, Maddy and I began to walk in, passing the entry guards and showing our club membership cards. Of course, they stopped us. One young woman wouldn’t let Maddy and I pass. After a moment’s confusion, we understood (A translated) that they don’t let children under 6 into the store. Why couldn’t children under 6 enter? What the hell? I was frustrated by this silly rule and kind of embarrassed, too. I said that they should go in without me and that Maddy and I would wait for them. A said that if we waited 15 minutes, V would watch Maddy so I could go in. So, that was the plan and they took off.
I took Maddy to the entry way and quickly discovered that there was a children’s play area with a toys, videos, etc. I took Maddy to the play area and opened the door only to be stopped by a battle axe of a female attendant, the kind of which they only produce in
She just kept hitting this sign in Russian that had about 6 different paragraphs and tons of information on it. I couldn’t make heads or tails of all the Russian information on the sign. I couldn’t remember the verb for read-I was a bit emotional at this point, so I wasn’t thinking clearly. I repeated I don’t speak Russian to her. She escalated her tone and amped up her volume repeating the same things again (so typical when anyone is dealing with a non-native speaker), but that just freaked me out and embarrassed me more. So, I said in English forget it and told Maddy that we couldn’t go in. She got upset, of course. Poor baby! There were cartoons on and kids playing, she didn’t understand. How could she? I didn’t either. I told her that we weren’t allowed. She started crying.
I was tearing up by this point. I don’t know why. The tears were as surprising to me as the strange rules at this store. We retreated back to a bench near the door and waited. I tried to put on a good face for Maddy and play with her, but I felt increasingly uncomfortable as the moments slowly ticked by. I tried to call A by cell phone to tell her about the play area so she could come and talk to the woman about Maddy’s entrance, but A was busy buying snow tires. We waited and waited. Finally, A came and took Maddy and I to the play area only to discover that it had closed in the meantime. So, Maddy again wasn’t allowed to enter. She restarted crying, but harder this time. I don’t blame her. She wanted to play with the other kids in the play area and she was bored.
V took Maddy to allow us to shop. I didn’t want to shop and told A that I wasn’t in the mood. It upset her to hear it and asked me to please make the best of it. So, I tried. We spent about 45 minutes tooling around, but were eventually interrupted by a frantic series of calls from V that Maddy needed me and was really upset. That ended our excursion. What a titanic pain in the rump!
This episode shows the odd, sometimes invisible, rules and the rigidity of the folks here as well as cross cultural frustrations and how culture shock plays on one’s nerves.
Episode Two: Known Rules, a Tram and Cultural Adjustment
The other day, I was running late for a meeting with students at the university. I have recently fallen twice and damaged my left ankle and right knee, so I’m not moving too quickly. I walked up the alley from our apartment toward Puskinskaya and was debating how I could get to school the fastest way possible. I remembered that A told me a while ago about taking the tram when you’re running late. I glanced at the tram station to see if there were many people there, and to my astonishment, the tram was loading people. I had enough time to get to it with a little jog! I trotted up to it as the doors were closing and just like the folks here I PUSHED MY BODY INTO THE MASS OF FLESH IN THE CROWDED TRAM! Can you believe it? I couldn’t. It is so common to just jostle others in trams, subways, crowded streets. They will literally push each other out of the way. They walk in front of each other and don’t care. They just don’t even notice, nor do they say excuse me or pardon me. They pack themselves into trams and subways just like sardines in a tin. So, I did as they did. No one thought anything of it. To my further surprise, the young man to my right held out a steadying hand to help me pull myself away from the closing doors. During this fast and minor episode no one said a word the whole time.
This was my “moment” of cultural adjustment. I knew that to some degree I was becoming adjusted because I didn’t mind touching others with my whole body, nor did I say anything (because they don’t and wouldn’t), and I was acting just like them. I wonder if I will be like this for a while when I return to
Oddly though I know it isn’t rude. They have been trained not to talk, to avoid verbal interaction with others on the streets, but they still help each other. They are cooperative like the young man with the helping hand. It’s just a different set of patterns and expectations.
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